detectivetroll | [Commentlog] | [closed] - backdated to earlier in the human event

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[Commentlog] | [closed] - backdated to earlier in the human event

[After talking with Julian and Kagerou on the journals and promising to drop by their rooms with dinner, Nick heads down to the kitchen. Monroe isn't really coming out of his room at the moment, either, which means Nick is pretty much just a food delivery service tonight.

Maybe he should try to get tips.

After grilling up some chicken, potatoes, and bread, and slicing up tomatoes and cheese, Nick brings the lot up to the barracks. He stops by Julian's room first, knocking on the door and announcing his presence.

He picks up some ale before he goes to Kagerou's room, because hell, if Kagerou's human, he might as well have some beer, too. Even if it isn't an Oregon microbrew.]

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[Because you put the idea in his head, Nick. This is all your fault.]

[His head tilts to one side, and he blinks.]

... Really? Why not?

[This is an honest question, man. Hope you don't mind awkward subjects.]

Yes. I... guess that's true.

[Nick will forever regret saying the word 'sex' around him.

There's an even longer pause after that question, mostly because it'd... pretty much never occurred to him. He doesn't have any ready made answers to that, other than 'we don't think of each other that way.']

Honestly, I've never thought about it. We just don't have that kind of relationship, and I - I'm with someone else.

[There's a hesitancy to his tone on the last part, though. With recently finally telling Monroe everything that's been going on between him and Juliette, Nick's not sure how much longer he can really say that.]

[As you should, Nick.]

[His head tilts, listening to that. He was only just introduced to the concept of a relationship, Nick, you're sort of confusing the entire subject now.]

... someone else is more important to you?

[It's just a confusing subject, man. Even Nick's confused, now.]

No. I-

[And Nick cuts off right there. It'd been his first response, to the suggestion of someone being more important to him than Monroe, something he'd said without thinking. It's not something he should be thinking about, rating the people of his life in terms of who's most important to him, who he can't live without more.

But now he's thinking about it. And he's not sure what the answer really is, doesn't know what he'd do with the answer.]

People are important to me in different ways. It's - it's complicated.

[He just stares, waiting. He's not entirely sure if he's said anything wrong, or what's going on. There's an air of discomfort here. Even he can see that. And when he can see that...]

[It's probably not helping, that he's watching Nick like -- pardon the pun -- a hawk.]

Complicated. Like how?

[Complicated in a way that Nick doesn't even entirely understand, let alone begin to try to explain it.]

People - we have different relationships. Friends, colleagues, significant others. I, well, there was a direction I thought my life was going in. I had friends, I had a girlfriend I loved and thought I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Then I found out what I am. What my purpose was.

[There's a brief pause, as he tries to figure out how to word the rest of it.]

It wasn't want I planned on, but I can't escape it. I can just change it, make it be on my terms. Monroe's a big part of that, the reason I can do it. I just - haven't had time to figure out how he fits into the rest of my life.

[He's trying to wrap his head around it. But it's not easy -- not for someone who's only ever had one person be most important in his life.]

[And what is love.]

Did your purpose change how you felt? Wouldn't she understand that, if your purpose... changed?

[Kagerou, people aren't like robots. It's different.]

... You have time... now?

[...love might be even harder to explain than sex, actually.

Nick pushes his hand through his hair.]

I thought she might, but - no. She doesn't want to be with me forever, not the way I am right now. Not unless things change.

[Not unless he stops hiding things from her, unless he stops being distant from her. But with what he is - he can't change either of those things.]

Yeah. I guess I do.

She doesn't want to be with you... Unless you change your purpose? That doesn't seem fair.

[The one he cares for, after all, wouldn't ask him to do that. Wouldn't expect that of him. How could anyone do less, for the one they said they cared for?]

It's not fair. Not to either of us, really. I'm not who she thought I was, and she wouldn't understand my purpose.

[Although less 'wouldn't understand' and more 'would probably think I was crazy if I tried to explain, or go crazy herself if I tried to show her.']

... Then why are you worried about not being with her any longer?

[That's another question that 'it's complicated' is pretty much the only answer he's got.]

Because I love her.

[It's a pretty weak reason, and even he can hear that, can hear the almost past tense in that, even though he doesn't say it. He doesn't want to let go of everything she is, of everything she'd represented, despite that most of him is just waiting for her to leave.]

It does't matter now. She's not here.

[His answer is another long stare. He doesn't... really know how to answer that. He's only AI, after all. And a prototype at that. Is he even capable of... love?]

Oh.

[A weak answer, for a weak reason, apparently.]

So you... have no one to make the connection with, here?

[Sometimes 'oh' is pretty much the only answer, man. Other than 'you're dumb,' and Nick appreciates not getting that one.

He gives a slightly wry smile at the question, shaking his head.]

No, I don't.

[He nods a little, and leans against one side of his makeshift "nest".]

I'm sorry.

[There's a brief pause as Nick considers what to say to that.]

Thanks. Me too.

[Sorry for that, and for Kagerou not having his someone to make the connection with here.]

I didn't ask you to apologize...

[So why is he getting one?]

[But as he asks, he starts curling up in the blanket nest. Blinking sleepily. Booze and food will do that do a guy.]

I didn't ask you, either, but you gave me one. I appreciated it, man, I was returning it.

[Yeah, he's noticed that. And he's good with not hanging around while Kagerou gets himself comfortable, given the whole naked thing.]

Get some sleep, okay? I'll come by again later.

Oh. So it works like that.

[He stays curled up, but lifts his head enough to look over at Nick. Hey, at least this way, the detective doesn't have to look at his naked parts.]

Sleep.

All right.

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