[Commentlog] | [closed] - backdated to earlier in the human event

[detectivetroll]

[After talking with Julian and Kagerou on the journals and promising to drop by their rooms with dinner, Nick heads down to the kitchen. Monroe isn't really coming out of his room at the moment, either, which means Nick is pretty much just a food delivery service tonight.

Maybe he should try to get tips.

After grilling up some chicken, potatoes, and bread, and slicing up tomatoes and cheese, Nick brings the lot up to the barracks. He stops by Julian's room first, knocking on the door and announcing his presence.

He picks up some ale before he goes to Kagerou's room, because hell, if Kagerou's human, he might as well have some beer, too. Even if it isn't an Oregon microbrew.]

Comments

[detectivetroll]

I have faith in them, trust them to be what they can be and to do what I know they can do. But everyone makes mistakes, everyone thinks they've failed or let people's expectations down. I'm not going to stop being friends with anyone because of that.

[Nick's let himself and other people down too much to ever hold it against someone else. He's much harder on his expectations of himself than of his friends.

While Kagerou watches him, Nick looks back, silently observing. When he finally speaks, Nick smiles a bit and shrugs one shoulder.]

I didn't think fairy tales were real where I came from, either, but I found out recently I was wrong. I wouldn't be surprised to find there was AI there, too.

[fuckinstoplights]

... I'll try to remember that. In case either of those things happen between us.

[He's trying, here. But he's only a prototype. What can he offer?]

[But then he shakes his head. While he and Shadowmaru hadn't been made public, the others certainly hadn't made any effort to hide themselves.]

The others aren't a secret. If they were present, I would think you would have heard.

[detectivetroll]

I trust you, man.

[So basically don't worry about it, Kagerou. They're friends, and as far as Nick's concerned, Kagerou's already proved himself. Plus, he has that whole Grimm instinct thing.

That last bit kind of deflates his theory a little, though.]

Maybe. But I haven't exactly been paying attention to any news that isn't related to homicides in Portland, lately.

[Or Grimm stuff in Europe, but even that, only when it's brought over to Portland.]</small.

[fuckinstoplights]

Trust me...

[He's more repeating it to himself than he is questioning it. He pulls his knees a little closer to his chest. Trust. He's only been trusted by one other person before.]

[... there's a lot of things he's only experienced with one other person before.]

You wouldn't have noticed discussions of AI, or homicides caused by robotic criminals?

[detectivetroll]

Yeah. You're not going to tell me that I shouldn't, are you?

[Apparently that's a pattern of Nick's, trusting people who aren't used to having it.

But that doesn't mean they don't deserve it.]

...all right, good point. You sure they're known overseas?

[fuckinstoplights]

You've already made up your mind. Trying to change it would be foolish.

[Even he can tell that much.]

[He regards him for a long moment.]

Everyone in Japan knows of the Brave Police. How could that many people keep such a secret?

[detectivetroll]

Smart man. The last person I told that to, I'm pretty sure he's still trying to let me know it's not a good idea to trust him.

[But then, Monroe's just like that.

Nick shrugs slightly.]

You'd be surprised, actually, at how large of a number of people can keep a really big secret. But in this specific case, yeah, it'd be hard.

[fuckinstoplights]

Maybe he thinks he has good reason for you not to.

[He's just making a guess. He has no idea.]

[His head shakes again.]

Then what you propose is likely impossible.

[detectivetroll]

Yeah, he probably does. One day I'll get him to see that he's wrong.

[It was a good guess, Kagerou pretty much hit it right on.

Nick's shoulders sag.]

Yeah. I guess so. But there has to be some way, even if I can't help.

[fuckinstoplights]

... The one who's important to you. Right?

[He can make pretty good guesses. Sometimes.]

If there is a way... I can't think of it.

[detectivetroll]

Monroe. He's - yeah. That's him.

[His tone of voice is fond, there, if a little bit exasperated.]

I'll think of something. There's always a way, man. There has to be.

[fuckinstoplights]

... You care for him.

[It's less of a question. He's responding to the tone of voice. Honestly... he'd sound the same way, if they were talking about his most important person.]

Not always.

[detectivetroll]

Yeah, of course.

[The response is automatic, but Nick's brows furrow a bit. Kagerou's comment wasn't what Nick expected, and he's partly wondering where he'd been going with that.]

When it's that important, there has to be.

[fuckinstoplights]

Your friend... the closest friend? Someone you have a connection to?

[Nick can you see where he's going with this yet? Hopefully, you do. You led him in a similar circle earlier.]

I... we'll see.

[detectivetroll]

[...how did this conversation somehow circle back around to connections. Nick thought he'd steered it safely away.

Nick's eyes widen slightly as he figures out what Kagerou's implying, but then he just smiles, giving a soft, slightly amused exhale and shaking his head.]

Monroe and I - yes, we have a connection. Given the circumstances, probably one of the strongest ones in my life. But not what we talked about earlier.

[He's just. Not going to think too much further into that one.]

We've got some time, it seems, to try to figure something out before we get out of here.

[fuckinstoplights]

[Because you put the idea in his head, Nick. This is all your fault.]

[His head tilts to one side, and he blinks.]

... Really? Why not?

[This is an honest question, man. Hope you don't mind awkward subjects.]

Yes. I... guess that's true.

[detectivetroll]

[Nick will forever regret saying the word 'sex' around him.

There's an even longer pause after that question, mostly because it'd... pretty much never occurred to him. He doesn't have any ready made answers to that, other than 'we don't think of each other that way.']

Honestly, I've never thought about it. We just don't have that kind of relationship, and I - I'm with someone else.

[There's a hesitancy to his tone on the last part, though. With recently finally telling Monroe everything that's been going on between him and Juliette, Nick's not sure how much longer he can really say that.]

[fuckinstoplights]

[As you should, Nick.]

[His head tilts, listening to that. He was only just introduced to the concept of a relationship, Nick, you're sort of confusing the entire subject now.]

... someone else is more important to you?

[detectivetroll]

[It's just a confusing subject, man. Even Nick's confused, now.]

No. I-

[And Nick cuts off right there. It'd been his first response, to the suggestion of someone being more important to him than Monroe, something he'd said without thinking. It's not something he should be thinking about, rating the people of his life in terms of who's most important to him, who he can't live without more.

But now he's thinking about it. And he's not sure what the answer really is, doesn't know what he'd do with the answer.]

People are important to me in different ways. It's - it's complicated.

[fuckinstoplights]

[He just stares, waiting. He's not entirely sure if he's said anything wrong, or what's going on. There's an air of discomfort here. Even he can see that. And when he can see that...]

[It's probably not helping, that he's watching Nick like -- pardon the pun -- a hawk.]

Complicated. Like how?

[detectivetroll]

[Complicated in a way that Nick doesn't even entirely understand, let alone begin to try to explain it.]

People - we have different relationships. Friends, colleagues, significant others. I, well, there was a direction I thought my life was going in. I had friends, I had a girlfriend I loved and thought I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Then I found out what I am. What my purpose was.

[There's a brief pause, as he tries to figure out how to word the rest of it.]

It wasn't want I planned on, but I can't escape it. I can just change it, make it be on my terms. Monroe's a big part of that, the reason I can do it. I just - haven't had time to figure out how he fits into the rest of my life.

[fuckinstoplights]

[He's trying to wrap his head around it. But it's not easy -- not for someone who's only ever had one person be most important in his life.]

[And what is love.]

Did your purpose change how you felt? Wouldn't she understand that, if your purpose... changed?

[Kagerou, people aren't like robots. It's different.]

... You have time... now?

[detectivetroll]

[...love might be even harder to explain than sex, actually.

Nick pushes his hand through his hair.]

I thought she might, but - no. She doesn't want to be with me forever, not the way I am right now. Not unless things change.

[Not unless he stops hiding things from her, unless he stops being distant from her. But with what he is - he can't change either of those things.]

Yeah. I guess I do.

[fuckinstoplights]

She doesn't want to be with you... Unless you change your purpose? That doesn't seem fair.

[The one he cares for, after all, wouldn't ask him to do that. Wouldn't expect that of him. How could anyone do less, for the one they said they cared for?]

[detectivetroll]

It's not fair. Not to either of us, really. I'm not who she thought I was, and she wouldn't understand my purpose.

[Although less 'wouldn't understand' and more 'would probably think I was crazy if I tried to explain, or go crazy herself if I tried to show her.']