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You've reached Detective Nick Burkhardt. If this is an emergency, please call 911. Otherwise leave a message and I'll get back to you ASAP.

[Calls, texts, and emails are a-okay! He has both a work email and personal email, and an office phone and cell phone. Just specify which one.]

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NICK IM AN ALIEN

...is this pulse related, or bad-alien related?

PULSE ALIEN

STILL ALIEN I DONT KNOW HOW TO FEEL ABOUT THIS

IM SUPPOSED TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD?

Edited 2013-12-07 05:52 (UTC)

It's okay, man, it's okay. You're not the first one who found out they were a pulse alien. I don't think you have to figure out how you feel about it right now.

Except maybe the taking over the world part.

THATS A BIG DEAL WHAT IF I TURN INTO SOMETHING GROSS AND HORRIBLE

AND TAKE OVER THE EARTH

You don't know what kind of alien you were, then? Was it a blue centaur like thing?

Do you actually want to take over the world, or are you just worried that you will?

no

i don't know

oh god i don't want to look all weird and freaky oh god what would yuji think

NO I REMEMBER PRETTY CLEARLY WANTING TO TAKE OVER FOR SOME REASON

The other alien I know, he can shape shift, so it might not be a problem.

Well, that was your past self, right? Or alternate dimension self, or whatever. Look, worrying that you used to do, or want to do, something terrible that you don't want to end up doing isn't going to help. Take it from someone who knows, man, it's just going to make you freaked out and paranoid and trying to read too much into every little thing you do.

o neat

I ALREADY DO ALL THAT NOW I M GONNA DO IT MORE

Well, cut it out. You have people who care about you, okay? We're not going to let you take over the world.

but what if i can't be stopped

what if i'm some UNSTOPPABLE DEATH MACHINE AND I VAPORIZE HUMANITY OR SOMETHING????

You realize not many of us are actually human, right? I think we'll stand a chance.

Besides, I didn't mean stopping you with force.

well yea ok

HOW ELSE THEN

...dude you were just supposed to get it, if I have to explain how else it'll sound really dumb.

THIS IS ALREADY REALLY DUMB HOW CAN IT GET DUMBER THAT THIS I DONT HAVE TIME FOR YOUR CRYPTIC BULLSHIT

All right, all right, fine. Look, I don't buy into that 'you're going to turn out one way no matter what' crap. Most of the time it's the people around you, the environment you're in, and whether or not you're strong enough to find something to hold on to no matter what's going on around you, or inside you, that matters. Whoever that guy is in your pulses, you're not him, and you don't have to be him. Even if you do pulse back wanting to take over the world, I think you'll find reasons not to.

that is the cheesiest goddamn thing

okay you know what i'll believe in your corny fairytail power of friendship believe in yourself dork theory

I told you it would sound dumb. And it sounds even dumber when you call it that.

It helped.

Good.

Hey, you want to go for a beer sometime, or something?

DUDE fuck yes i always want beer this sounds like an amazing plan

Awesome man, Yuji won't touch beer with a ten foot pole. When're you free?

that's because yuji is a princess

tomorrow evening at the earliest. i don't have to work the next day so seems like a good time for a hangover

The prettiest princess around.

Tomorrow evening it is, then. What time? I'll pick up you.

he needs a little tiara or something

idk like 8ish? 8 works.

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i'm moving this to action fuck the police

YEAH POLICE SUCK FUCK 'EM